FRIEND and FRIENDSHIP chapter II

Friendship part 2

Cultural variations

Ancient Greece

Friendship was a topic of moral philosophy greatly discussed by Plato, Aristotle, and Stoics. The topic was less discussed in the modern era, until the re-emergence of contextualist and feminist approaches to ethics. In Ancient Greece, openness in friendship was seen as an enlargement of the self. Aristotle wrote, "The excellent person is related to his friend in the same way as he is related to himself, since, a friend is another self; and therefore, just as his own being is choice worthy for him, the friend's being is choice-worthy for him in the same or a similar way." In Ancient Greek, the same word was used for "friend" and "lover".

Central Asia

In Central Asia, male friendships tend to be reserved and respectful in nature. They may use nicknames and diminutive forms of their first names.

East Asia

In East Asia male friendships start at a young age. The respect that friends have in East Asian culture is understood to be formed from a young age. Different forms of relationships in social media and online chats are not considered an official friendship in East Asian culture. Both female and male friendships in East Asia start at a younger age and grow stronger through years of schooling and working together. Different people in East Asian culture have a close, tight knit, group of friends that they call their “best friends.” In Western Culture, many people refer to multiple people as their “best friends”, as compared to East Asian culture, where best friends are the 2-3 people closest to a particular person. Being someone’s best friend in East Asian culture is considered an honor and privilege. In a Chinese context, there is a very strong orientation towards maintaining and enhancing interpersonal relationships. The relationships between friends in East and Central Asian culture holds a tight bond that is usually never broken until someone geographically moves to another part of the county or out of the country.

Germany

Germans typically have relatively few friends, although their friendships typically last a lifetime, as loyalty is held in high regard. German friendships provide a substantial amount of commitment and support. Germans may appear aloof to people from other countries, as they tend to be cautious and keep their distance when it comes to developing deeper relationships with new people. They draw a strong distinction between their few friends and their many associates, co-workers, neighbors, and others. A relationship's transition from one of associates to one of friends can take months or years, if it ever happens.

Islamic cultures

In the Middle East and East Africa men hold hands as a sign of friendship.

In Islamic cultures, friendship is also known as companionship or ashab. The concept is taken seriously, and numerous important attributes of a worthwhile friend have emerged in Islamic media, such as the notion of a righteous (or saalih) person, who can appropriately delineate between that which is good and that which is evil. Concordance with the perspectives and knowledge of others is considered to be important; forgiveness regarding mistakes and loyalty between friends is emphasized, and a "love for the sake of Allah" is considered to be a relationship of the highest significance between two humans.

Middle East

It is believed that in some parts of the Middle East (or Near East), friendship is more demanding when compared with other cultures; friends are people who respect each other, regardless of shortcomings, and will make personal sacrifices in order to assist another friend, without considering the experience an imposition.

Many Arab people perceive friendship seriously, and deeply consider personal attributes such as social influence and the nature of a person's character before engaging in such a relationship.

Russia

Many of the qualities of modern Russia's culture date back to Soviet times. Scarcity in the Soviet Union led people had to create relationships with people in certain businesses in order to get the things they needed, such as a hospital employee to help obtain medical attention. Such practices led to a community spirit and interpersonal connections. Many of these practices have continued to the present day. Inefficiencies on the part of the government, so Russians may find it easier to rely on their friends and family than on any company or business. These traditional types of relationships are valued greatly in Russia.

Other conditions in the Soviet period made it harder for Russians to form relationships. Confiding in another person opened the risk of being reported to the state, especially for dissent. As in Germany, people in Soviet communities had very few friends, but the friends they did have were extremely close. These trends have continued in modern Russia.

United States

The friendship bracelet is an American example of the exchange of small tokens of friendship.

In the United States, many types of relationships are deemed friendships. From the time children enter elementary school, many teachers and adults call their peers "friends" to children, and in most classrooms or social settings, children are instructed as to how to behave with their friends, and are told who their friends are. This type of open approach to friendship has led many Americans, adolescents in particular, to designate a "best friend" with whom they are especially close. Many psychologists see this term as dangerous for American children, because it allows for discrimination and cliques, which can lead to bullying.

For Americans, friends tend to be people whom they encounter fairly frequently, and that are similar to themselves in demographics, attitude, and activities. While many other cultures value deep trust and meaning in their friendships, Americans will use the word "friend" to describe most people who have such qualities. There is also a difference in the US between men and women who have friendships with the same sex. According to research, American men have less deep and meaningful friendships with other men. In the abstract, many men and women in the United States have similar definitions of intimacy, but women are more likely to practice intimacy in friendships. Many studies have also found that Americans eventually lose touch with friends. This can be an unusual occurrence in many other cultures.

According to a study documented in the June 2006 issue of the American Sociological Review, Americans are thought to be suffering a loss in the quality and quantity of close friendships since at least 1985. The study states that one quarter of all Americans have no close confidants, and that the average total number of confidants per person has dropped from four to two.

Divorce also contributes to the decline in friendship among Americans. "In international comparisons, the divorce rate in the United States is higher than that of 34 other countries including the United Kingdom, Canada, New Zealand, and Australia". In divorce, many couples end up losing friends through the process, as certain friends "side with" one member of the relationship and lose the other.

The advance of technology has also been blamed for declining friendships in the United States. Ethan J. Leib, author of the book Friend vs. Friend and law professor at the University of California-Hastings, suggests that longer hours of work and a large amount of online communication take away from personal communication, making it harder to form friendships. New media such as Facebook and Twitter have also been said to decrease the amount of personal communication in everyday life, and to make emotional attachments more difficult.

Types of friendships

Agentic friendship

In an agentic friendship, both parties look to each other for help in achieving practical goals in their personal and professional lives. Agentic friends may help with completing projects, studying for an exam, or helping move houses. They value sharing time together, but only when they have time available to help each other. These relationships typically do not include the sharing of emotions or personal information.

Best friend (or close friend)

Best friends share extremely strong interpersonal ties with each other.

Blood brother or sister

This term can either refer to people related by birth or to friends who swear loyalty by mixing their blood together. The latter usage has been practiced throughout history, but is rarely continued today due to the dangers of blood-borne diseases.

Boston marriage

This antiquated American term was used during the 19th and 20th centuries to denote two women who lived together in the same household independent of male support. These relationships were not necessarily sexual. The term was used to quell fears of lesbians after World War I.

Bromance

A portmanteau of bro and romance, a bromance is a close, non-sexual relationship between two or more men.

Buddy

Sometimes used as a synonym for friend generally, "buddy" can specifically denote a friend or partner with whom one engages in a particular activity, such as a "study buddy."

Casual relationship or "friends with benefits"

Also referred to as a "hook-up," this term denotes a sexual or near-sexual relationship between two people who do not expect or demand to share a formal romantic relationship.

Communal friendship

As defined by Steven McCornack, this is a friendship in which friends gather often to provide encouragement and emotional support in times of great need. This type of friendship tends to last only when the involved parties fulfill the expectations of support.

Comrade

This term denotes an ally, friend, or colleague, especially in a military or political context. Comradeship may arise in time of war, or when people have a mutual enemy or even a common goal, in circumstances where ordinary friendships might not have formed. In English, the term is associated with the Soviet Union, in which the Russian equivalent term, tovarishch (Russian: това́рищ), was used as a common form of address.

Family friend

This term can denote the friend of a family member or the family member of a friend.

Frenemy

A portmanteau of the words "friend" and "enemy," the term "frenemy" refers to either an enemy disguised as a friend (a proverbial wolf in sheep's clothing) or a person who is both a friend and a rival. This may take the form of a love–hate relationship. The term was reportedly coined by a sister of author and journalist Jessica Mitford in 1977 and popularized more than twenty years later on the third season of Sex and the City. One study by psychologist Julianne Holt-Lunstad found that unpredictable love–hate relationships can lead to elevations in blood pressure. In a previous study, the same researcher found that blood pressure is higher around people for whom one has mixed feelings than it is people whom one clearly dislikes.

Imaginary friend

An imaginary friend is a non-physical friend, usually of a child. These friends may be human or animal, such as the human-sized rabbit in the 1950 Jimmy Stewart film Harvey. Creation of an imaginary friend may be seen as bad behavior or even taboo, but is most commonly regarded as harmless, typical childhood behavior.

Internet relationship

An internet friendship is a form of friendship or romance which takes place exclusively over the internet. This may evolve into a real-life friendship. Internet friendships are in similar context to pen pals. People in these friendships may not use their true identities; parties in an internet relationship may engage in catfishing.

Mate

Primarily used in the UK, Ireland, Australia, and New Zealand, "mate" is a friendly reference a same-sex friend, especially among males. In the UK, as well as Australia, the term also has been taken up by women. "Bloke" is used similarly.

Opposite-sex friendship

Opposite-sex friendships, which are nonsexual, are not always socially accepted. Although complications can arise in such relationships, opposite sex friendships can be strong and emotionally rewarding.

Pen pal

Pen pals are people who have a relationship primarily through mail correspondence. They may or may not have met each other in person. This type of correspondence was encouraged in many elementary school children; it was thought that an outside source of information or a different person's experience would help the child become more worldly. In modern times, internet relationships have largely replaced pen pals, though the practice does continue.